When you spin a web of lies you need to know every strand.

There’s a statute of limitations on the lies. Usually after a few years I’m like “yeah, I did that, the house didn’t burn down and no one died, so it doesn’t much matter now”

I learned early on not to fabricate stories that I’ll lose track of. I love lying by omission, though, as you can tell half the story and it’s easier to keep track of that way.

Granted, I generally didn’t do things I needed to lie about and have always been upfront with questionable actions, like selling pirated anime CDs in high school and stuff. My parents are way worse than I’ll ever be, though, and when I got kicked out of the house, it was usually because my dad was drunk and delusional, not because I did anything wrong.

After I moved out I told my dad about all the shit I got away with as a kid with a giant smile on my face. What is he going to do about it now, Ground me retroactively? Fuck off.

BTW he found all of it fucking hilarious and commended me on my tact and situational awareness.

The only thing that bothered him was the big ass dent I put in the tailgate of his new truck. He was under the impression that the dealer sold it to him that way and had concealed it so he went back and ripped them a new asshole until they fixed it and now he realizes he was the asshole and not them.

My kid was chatting in game on speaker phone for some reason. I was standing behind him watching, and his friend blurts out, “Like that time you flushed the bar of soap and it clogged the toilet?”

My kid says “Shut up, he doesn’t know it was me!”

Sometimes, my kid isn’t the brightest.

I knew it was him, I blamed him for it when it happened. He, and the friend on the phone, were the only two in the house when it happened. And, I know his friend wouldn’t do it.

Hmm. I might be outside of my demography here