I don’t understand the question really?
I discovered I had a chronic illness when my wife was pregnant with twins, our first (and last) children.
It was tough. Being able to care for my partner and kids is a fundamental part of my identity (like many people). At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to be around to see my kids born, but things settled into a rhythm and now 4 years later my condition is “stable”.
Like many illnesses, mine is heavily dependent on how well I care for myself: diet, exercise, lifestyle. However, these things are a question of time, so they compete with the objectives of just being a good dad and spending time with your kids, and with having a career and building financial security.
Before having a family I didn’t really understand “having time”. Rather than time it’s more like energy, or “cognitive power” or spoons or whatever. You only get so much each day and you burn through it being a good dad, going to work, being a partner, and so on. Basically, money, family, and health, are competing objectives.
Basically, the only option is to do everything you can to do all of the things as best you can. It’s hard.
With all of that said, I don’t understand the question. It sounds kind of judgey if I’m honest. You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, or house, or head.
My mother was a drug counselor who refused to ever even attempt to quit cigarettes.
She died at 62. I spent three years of my life caring for her at her end as she begged for cigarettes.
Her death broke my Dad, and I still care for him as he lives life as a hermit, fifteen years later.
I don’t have children of my own, or maybe one unofficially adopted one.
I am willing to make a number of sacrifices for the ones I love. This resolve has been tested but not yet broken.
But I am a stoner and a drinker, so have not escaped the same traps exactly.
I am more mindful of the choices I make, or at least that is what I tell myself. I keep a close community of those that I love and trust.
Stay away from tobacco. And probably alcohol as well. (And the hard drugs, coke/meth/opiates, of course.)
I have been obese my entire adult life. This year I have lost 30 lbs so far. But my despair has grown as I am also unemployed, so that weight loss has stalled. I can get back to it and will. This post was a good wakeup call.
Keep going. You have started addressing issues you see and you will find the habits to keep you healthy. I hope you find some employment or something that provides a steady income.
Yeah it’s one of the reasons I’m working to lose weight - so I can live longer for my kids.
Random internet strangers believe in you!
Ive lost 40 pounds in the laat five years. Its slow, but hopefully it helps.
Hell yeah, I’m right there with you. As I age it’s getting harder and harder to lose weight. I recently started fitting in exercise throughout my day. I was never a super unhealthy eater or snacker, but I’ve been trying to do a little better on the food side as well. What’s working for me is consistency. Not working my ass of or dieting just to drop weight fast and then gain it back when I can’t keep up with whatever strict regimine I planned. I have done that a handful of times before, and it always ends up the same. Now, I’ve been losing maybe 1lb a month for over a year. I’m not weighing myself obsessively, just keeping consistent exercise. If I feel a little hurt I don’t push through it. I recover and get back to consistency faster. I feel stronger, my balance is better, and I’m not working my ass of to do it.
Yeah.
I like to phrase my rebirth as a dramatic circumstance in which I executed the previous me and buried his body in a shallow ditch to usurp his life and live it in a more respectable manor, but the actual practice of the affair was watching School of Life on YouTube and drinking less soda.
Were it not for my kid and later my spouse, I’d likely be a domestic terrorist at this point and I’m looking into therapy again to cope with the feeling of powerlessness that comes from having the skills to be a problem and also having enough to lose that I can’t risk it. It’s the only thing this life has brought me that I’m genuinely unhappy about.
God, the timing on this…
I’ve been thinking literally exactly this about myself and am working on losing weight, exercising and getting more sleep. I want to be there for her long-term and need to do better.
Not only that, but I find that half of being a parent is parenting yourself.
My son clearly imitates my behaviors. Whether it’s screen time or not interrupting or putting things away or so many things, I notice my own behavior and think, ‘If I saw him doing this, I’d tell him to stop. So I should stop.’
But man… I don’t wanna! Five more minutes! I’ll do it later!
Setting a good example is a lot of work.
Children are often a mirror to our true selves, not the delusions we want to be true.
Plus side, you see everything that makes the people around you love you.
Downside, you get to experience all the “cute annoying” habits you (and your partner) have, aimed back at you.
I keep saying this lol. Honestly the world needs dillegence more then heroics
The world needs less ego.
Alas,
the curse of having eyes
(ears/nose/mouth/senses, but that doesn’t slant rhyme with)
A front row seat to your life.
Yes. And I will keep doing it. I promised my kids we’d watch Haley’s Comet together in 2060-whatever.
Right on 🩵🩵🩵
If these goddamn kids would let me sleep more I sure would. Although I know I’ll miss the days of tiny feet in my face some time after it ends.
Honestly, yes. I started exercising way more after an illness that made me unable to lift by kid. I know have no problem lifting him up and bringing him around. Silly carries are my favorite!
Those kinds of long-term risks to health aren’t as intuitive to a parent’s protective instinct as immediate things like physical danger to a child. I think most parents would jump into action to protect their child in a moment of crisis, but our brains haven’t really evolved to fear things like heart disease. Not only is that a more recent concern in terms of human history, but it’s probably likely to kill you only after your child has grown to a point of relative self-sufficience.
I got fit for fatherhood. Cycling every day. Lost loads of weight, totally changed body shape. Fucked my knees tho.
There are some parents that do make lifestyle changes and some that don’t. Personally I quit drinking and certainly eat a more balanced diet since having a kid. I’m not the best at going to the gym, but I stay on my feet and am pretty active with him. I’m not sure I’d say I only changed for him, I did it for myself as well, but it played a huge part. Everyone is different.
When my children were children, I was immortal, but I learned that I was only immortal for a limited time.
(Neil Peart, Rush)
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