I think it’s very fair to want, but not need, to be treated the same in return.
I also think there’s a difference between helping a stranger vs someone you know and see regularly.
If I help a stranger, I’m not going to expect squat from them. But if you do something nice like cover a friend’s share of the tab or something, I’d expect the same in return at some point. I wouldn’t necessarily say anything, but if it’s a repeated thing, it doesn’t make you a bad person to stop helping them.
Being a good person doesn’t mean being a doormat, and I think it’s important to understand the difference. Doing nice things for people is great. Doing things to be nice while hurting yourself, that probably shouldn’t be a regular thing. I’ve seen a lot of friends suffer emotionally or financially due to bad friends, or especially bad family, because it makes them feel bad to cut people off that take but never give in kind.
The second part is describing a social contract of sorts, conditional assistance , which would put it squarely on the side of “expecting it to be reciprocal”, situationally at least.
I don’t disagree with this, but it’s a really big difference from your original reply.
To me its more of a, “I’m doing this act of kindness because its the kind of person I want to be”, and if you take advantage of that, its fine. I wasn’t doing it with the expectation that you were a good person. I was doing it because I want to believe that I’m a good person.
I used to be like that, to everyone. Then I got shit on by almost everyone. People always using you but disappearing when you need help is a common theme with a large population of humans.
I guess I’m jaded or whatever. Tired of being the village bitch.
Learning which people will take advantage and setting boundaries (or going no contact) with them doesn’t mean you have to turn your back on all kindness.
Not all, but I distrust everyone until given reason to the contrary. Those I trust, I’ll go far beyond what they need, even putting myself at risk, but it takes a while to build that trust.
A decade and a half of being used, deceived, manipulated, mocked, insulted, on a daily basis takes a kind trusting person and turns them into someone who hates humanity to its core.
I think if you a good person only in the case that you expect it to be reciprocal, you aren’t a good person.
I think there’s more nuance to that than warrants a full good vs bad.
Unless you mean “aren’t a good person” as potentially including neutral.
I think it’s very fair to want, but not need, to be treated the same in return.
I also think there’s a difference between helping a stranger vs someone you know and see regularly.
If I help a stranger, I’m not going to expect squat from them. But if you do something nice like cover a friend’s share of the tab or something, I’d expect the same in return at some point. I wouldn’t necessarily say anything, but if it’s a repeated thing, it doesn’t make you a bad person to stop helping them.
Being a good person doesn’t mean being a doormat, and I think it’s important to understand the difference. Doing nice things for people is great. Doing things to be nice while hurting yourself, that probably shouldn’t be a regular thing. I’ve seen a lot of friends suffer emotionally or financially due to bad friends, or especially bad family, because it makes them feel bad to cut people off that take but never give in kind.
as i said, nuance.
The second part is describing a social contract of sorts, conditional assistance , which would put it squarely on the side of “expecting it to be reciprocal”, situationally at least.
I don’t disagree with this, but it’s a really big difference from your original reply.
That’s because I’m a different person that is expanding on your nuance, not the person you originally replied to (TropicalDingdong). 😁
Well, shit…that would explain it, my bad.
No offense taken. It was obviously a misunderstanding.
Kinda a ‘fool me once, eat shit bitch; fool me twice, I’m a dumbass’ thing.
To me its more of a, “I’m doing this act of kindness because its the kind of person I want to be”, and if you take advantage of that, its fine. I wasn’t doing it with the expectation that you were a good person. I was doing it because I want to believe that I’m a good person.
I used to be like that, to everyone. Then I got shit on by almost everyone. People always using you but disappearing when you need help is a common theme with a large population of humans.
I guess I’m jaded or whatever. Tired of being the village bitch.
Learning which people will take advantage and setting boundaries (or going no contact) with them doesn’t mean you have to turn your back on all kindness.
Not all, but I distrust everyone until given reason to the contrary. Those I trust, I’ll go far beyond what they need, even putting myself at risk, but it takes a while to build that trust.
A decade and a half of being used, deceived, manipulated, mocked, insulted, on a daily basis takes a kind trusting person and turns them into someone who hates humanity to its core.