The one time I went to a therapist:
Me> I am unhappy and depressed because I am stuck in bad, unhealthy behaviours that will result in me failing at my goals in life.
Therapist> Mmhmm, sounds difficult and stressful. Perhaps you should try letting go of those goals.
(I did not return)
You’ve either had bad therapists, or you aren’t doing what is suggested. Dont go to faith based therapy, a lot of them never got any form of education or certification.
It’s only the average experience if you have shit therapists.
I had two different ones as a kid/young adult (years apart) and they both fucking sucked and made me not want to do therapy.
As an adult (and someone who cares about their mental health), when my partner finally convinced me to go back I researched who was covered and would line up with my values/personality, and I interviewed a couple of them before I found the one that seemed to mesh with me. Spending the time to find someone who was LGBTQ+ and kink/poly friendly at a minimum was well worth the time spent.
Been with my therapist for over a year now, and I’ve made so much progress that both of my primary partners have commented on how much better I’m taking things.
Tl:dr - find a better therapist
I swear there’s something about pediatrics that attracts some of the least qualified people for psychiatric and therapy roles. Definitely not saying they are all like that but I’ve noticed a theme
tbf. the process of finding a good one is hard, especially when you need a therapist.
Had one, after searching, we had one appointment, then he cancelled 4 appointments in a row, then I lost Medicaid so no nore trying for me.
there are bad professionals in every field. but there’s a limit on how much damage a mediocre locksmith can do, while a bad therapist can really waste your time for years.
Yeah, it can be hard if you don’t have the right tools.
Thankfully, despite all the complaints I have about my insurance company, they at least had a locator I could use to find people that are covered, and it only took a bit of extra snooping to see where they likely stood regarding my needs to whittle it down to like 3 or 4 therapists. I’ll be the first to admit that I got really lucky in finding my therapist and having him mesh well with me.
Sorry to hear you lost insurance friend, I hope you’re able to take care of yourself out there, I know it’s not easy.
Weird how finding a good practitioner for any medical specialty is mostly trivial, except for therapists. Almost as if they are all bad.
Nah, there are plenty of bad GPs, surgeons etc…
I can tell you much more anecdotes about bad “physical” doctors from friends and family than about psychological ones. To be fair, people are much more likely to rant about how a surgeon fucked up the stitches on their leg than about how a therapist made their depression worse.
Therapy saved my life. Without therapy i would still take very heavy medication, because the meds are just for stabilizing the situation; now, many years later, i am down to 2 meds with smaller dosage (a mood stabilizer and an anxietolytic) after starting with 5 meds (2 SSRI’s, neuroleptics and the beforementioned 2), high dosage and being dead inside.
That makes a large difference in life quality, and it’s worth the work.
If that’s your experience, either you’ve had shitty therapists or unrealistic expectations.
I’m stuck in a conservative area so it’s like this but eventually the brick wall will suggest christianity.
I grew up in a fucked up regressive sex cult in the southwest US and had a therapist (who I explicitly advised not to suggest religion as a solve to my problems) show up on the 3rd session and say “I asked Heavenly Father (Mormon God) how to help you on my way here and he told me that you should consider religion”. I walked out of that session and never saw her again. I could not fathom the gall she had to mention that to me after what happened to me smh
Don’t hesitate to find a new therapist either. It can be a lot of work when starting with a new therapist but you owe it to yourself to find someone who you trust and will actually provide the support you need
I can’t get myself to be fully honest and open with my therapist, I don’t know why.
I’d probably get sent to a psych ward.
Therapy without having seen a psychiatrist is often a waste of time, they are often qualified to help you with, say, an BPD diagnosis, but aren’t qualified to make it.
So fucking around trying to get you to treat your depression and anxiety at the surface level without knowing that the behaviors driving you to seek therapy have a source and that you can treat it directly.
Granted, seeing a psychiatrist is almost impossible for most people, so I’m not trying to throw shade if you haven’t.
But if you’re in therapy for a couple of years and you feel like it’s beneficial, kinda, but not really getting at the root of things, and you have the insurance, a good psychiatrist can get things on track in a way a therapist simply does not have the training to do.
I used Betterhelp during the pandemic. I had two really good therapists (actual trained therapists) and three really bad ones who were just social workers who were just dialing it in.
The therapists who were good were great at just asking questions and having me come to my own conclusions. They guide you to clarity.
The shitty social workers just gave me homework. They were following whatever 8-step program they were taught in night school.
Not saying every social worker sucks. Maybe they work for a lot of people.
I had a few different ones with vastly different experiences. In some cases homework was good, if it actually made me reflect on myself as a person. If it was busy work, not so much. Some were just ineffective, not really pushing me to dig deeply. I am a very secretive person, so I know it’s hard to get me to dig deep and be vulnerable if I’m not drunk out of my mind. I believe everyone needs therapy in general, but it’s also a field that should be expanded because people are much more complex than the umbrella of issues they may fall under.
Absolutely! For the social workers, Some of the homework came off like… Surface level? Like “Name a time you felt sad” and “Have you ever felt depressed?”
I’m 40, not an elementary school child. I went through two financial crisis, the president called a woman reporter a bitch just a week ago and got away with pedophilia, my healthcare expenses is over $20k a year, and I’m in fear of my friends and neighbors who aren’t mayonnaise colored.
Totally agree with being secretive. That’s normal. It takes a lot of trust to get me to go beyond “I feel sad because I didn’t have any oat milk for my coffee” or whatever.
That’s what great therapists do. They drill with really perceptive questioning, they know when to push for clarity, they know when to change topics to lower your guard to lead you to discovery.
Not really therapy is amazing
There are individuals who go into it thinking the therapist is there to 100% solve their problems, without any work from themselves. It’s a tail of the bell curve thing, but it does exist. Inpatient mental health, the temporary version, same thing.
. Here’s your homework. Response: I’m not here to do homework. (Actual quote).
. What do you think is your biggest struggle? That you people are supposed to fix this [struggle] and you never fucking do. (Actual quote).
. Bring up working on the problem. I’m not being paid to do the work, you are. (Actual quote).
. Like that. So, I image for those rare individuals, this is what therapy feels like.
There are individuals who go into it thinking the therapist is there to 100% solve their problems, without any work from themselves. It’s a tail of the bell curve thing, but it does exist
I really appreciated that the therapists I interviewed all straight up said that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with them if I didn’t put in the work. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I have a similar knee-jerk reaction, but I actually talked to them and they explained it and I just kinda delt with the PDA that came along with it.
Therapy can be really good if you make sure your therapist meshes with you and you’re willing to put in the work on yourself if you plan on getting anything out of it.
Therapists are grifters. Imagine if real doctors said “only you can cure your own cancer”. If they don’t solve health issues then what are they for? “So what is your biggest struggle? Cancer? And why do you think that is? That’ll be 70€, see you next week.”
Good doctors do tell their patients to eat better and get exercise to address a massive amount of issues. The patient has to put all the work in.
Not neglecting general self-care is highly separated from fighting mental illness. Imagine if someone had a brain tumour and their neurosurgeon told them they had to “put all the work in” to challenge their body’s sickness. It’s a pretty ridiculous mindset to have when someone’s physiology is literally preventing them from doing that without external help. Why even bother giving the time of day to a practitioner if their advice directly implies that their suffering is entirely their fault?
You keep focusing on life and death physical conditions. Most therapy is not about life and death issues.
See, this is the problem with the average person’s understanding of people who get therapy. For them, it is a matter of life and death. They wouldn’t be going to therapy if they felt otherwise. An illness like depression, bipolar disorder or even general anxiety can be just as valid and severe as any cancer or disease. Please reconsider the inherently fallacious standpoint you’re following of categorizing mental issues as less severe than physical ones. It’s incredibly harmful.
My experience varies widely. Out of a half dozen different experiences the two men actually listened and prompted something actionable that addressed the issues although one was far better than the other. The other 3 or 4 were women and just leaned into gendered stereotypes because maybe ‘that was the real issue’ and not what I was talking about.
I’m sure that there are amazing women who are therapists for men, but like most things it can be hard to understand nuance without personal experience and it is important for a therapist to actually understand what you are saying and why you are saying it to resolve anything.
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What the “reject progress, embrace stupidity” meme is this anti-therapy shit?
Therapy fucking rocks.
Get a better therapist. It took me a few tries to find one that worked for me.
I definitely need to find one after moving but the wait times are usually so long…
the paradox, the more you need a therapist, the less energy you have to find a good one
Why is it our responsibility to weed out the shitty ones and not the responsibility of the people working in that field to ensure patients aren’t getting shitty therapists in the first place? That shit costs to much to be having to waste so much money and time on people who won’t help you
I swear, bro, therapy is not a scam. You just need to find a good therapist. Please, bro, just one more therapist. I promise this one won’t be a grifter like the previous eight. You’re not trying hard enough, bro.
Yeah. I saw a therapist a decade ago while suicidal and he really helped me. I’m grateful for that. But at one point he started to tell and repeat me what I told him I didn’t like others were saying to me, and I was not ready. It pushed me away and I never went back.
Then I looked for another therapist. The second one was okay but it didn’t work out. We did a few sessions but I didn’t think it was “worth” $125 an hour.
The third one told me it was all my fault during the first session and nearly brought up religion. He was stuck with communities and how I should push myself to fit in one. It lasted exactly one session.
I guess I was lucky to stumble upon a therapist that really helped me even if it couldn’t continue. And I guess I am the brick wall anyway.
And as much as I know it’s not exactly that clear cut, I feel like therapists are part of the capitalist system to help people cope with it. The first one clearly didn’t like it when I said I thought most people had some sort of Stockholm syndrome towards our abusive capitalist society.
It reminds me of a Bad Religion song.
All my scientists are working on a deadline.
So my psychologist is working day and night time
A few years ago I watched a video from a French woman reflecting upon her relationship with her therapist and how much it cost her. She came up with the question: “Am I better off putting €100 on a table, lay on my sofa for an hour, then treat myself with that money, or go to a session with my therapist?” And it stuck with me.
I can’t deny therapists and therapy can help, but finding one that works with you, and the price, can be a big obstacle.
She came up with the question: “Am I better off putting €100 on a table, lay on my sofa for an hour, then treat myself with that money, or go to a session with my therapist?” And it stuck with me.
As someone who did that for close to 2 decades after being betrayed by two different therapists, it’s not worth it. I didn’t have the coping skills to get through a lot of life’s problems, and I didn’t have the executive function to self-teach something I don’t have active interest in (because let’s be honest, working through your personality flaws are hard, and overcoming that hurdle is a bitch), so I spent a large amount of time moderately-dissociated but functional.
I started with my therapist last year and he’s done (read: helped me to do) more for me in the last year than I was able to do for myself in over a decade.
I think the biggest issues with therapy are time and money. I’m lucky enough to have a flexible wfh job so I can just flip to a telehealth session when it’s time, but I could see even just the time commitment being an issue for hourly people / no set schedule / I flexible jobs. Adding on the ridiculous costs associated with it (with 1 session costing 2 days pay at the federal minimum) is just adding insult to injury.
The patient being the one on the left or the right?
Yes.
Unfortunately, like with all things in healthcare you have to be your own advocate. There is so much need for providers in healthcare that the worst doctor, nurse, or therapist can almost always find a job somewhere. It’s just as hard to find a good provider as it is to find a good mechanic, so it’s perfectly reasonable to seek a second or even third opinion.
