Not… Orange Julius?
What? Has using your time machine to cheat at winning the lottery gone out of fashion?
Why not an Orange Julius?
Or a Caesar salad?
Damn, that sounds like a really awesome combo. Especially before hitting up the game store in the mall to play the demo of the new Sonic game.
But teenage me would have picked Sbarro.
Look, the first thing you do if you get a time machine is you kill Hitler as an infant.
Then you go to 1955 and stop Biff from getting the Almanac.
Once you have done that, your moral obligation to humanity is satisfied, and you can do any fucking thing you want to for the rest of your life.
Don’t kill Hitler as an infant. Not for moral reasons, but you want to go for early college era Hitler, he was an edgelord, incel, douchebag with a farting problem that wore leather lederhosen and carried around a riding crop. He was that guy.
Just find him on campus and bash his head in with a baseball bat in front of everybody, people would celebrate you for killing Hitler without ever coming close to the holocaust and nobody would be heartbroken over a dead baby.
Ok hear me out.
You could probably take some kind of food back in time and convince anyone you’re a God. Go far enough back in time before, idk, Western civilization had chocolate. Bring chocolate. Bring it to literally any and every Western leader. Call it ambrosia or some shit, idc.
Like, who needs to invest money when you can retroactively implant yourself into the British Royal Family? Through chocolate, of course.
