So I’m completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I’m still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I’m falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn’t want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he’s scared, but I feel like I’ve got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don’t really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won’t be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I’m tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

  • Zeke@fedia.ioOP
    15·
    17 days ago

    @SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world The break up wasn’t about this. It was about not being able to communicate and losing ourselves after years of being together. I don’t appreciate the harsh tone of your comment.

    • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      17 days ago

      It sure sounds like it was because you wanted someone else.

      I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine.

      If that’s not what happened then tell it like it happened.

      • Zeke@fedia.ioOP
        11·
        17 days ago

        @SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world There’s a lot more to it than that. We both had our own issues that we weren’t talking about or confronting. It got to a point where neither of us really cared and were just going through motions and snapping at each other. I also, at the time, couldn’t give him what he needed. I felt inadequate and had to figure things out for myself. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted and he admits that he felt the same. We know communicate more openly than we ever really had. I hadn’t put the poly puzzle together until recently

        • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.worldEnglish
          1·
          17 days ago

          I think you’re focusing a lot on your perspective and not his.

          Is he poly? If he isn’t, then he probably isn’t ok with the idea of sharing his partner.