i had girlfriends with these issues… they just often lack the emotional maturity/forethought to realize that there isnt’ anything other folks can do, and they vaguely expect like other people to just magically make their problems go away, and they resent you for not being the ‘cure’ to their problem.
it doesn’t necessarily have to do with mental health, it could be physical, or just a job they don’t like, or a ton of other things.
the issue is the person suffering, is looking for a solution outside of themselves and their own actions, and refuses to acknowledge the solution requires them to change themselves or their circumstances, and often like change habits or lifestyle or etc.
i remember being a suicidal teenager and I just wanted it to stop, i wanted the bad feelings to stop. i had no clue how to get them to stop because they just kept coming at me. some people just… are like this their entire lives and they often self-medicate because that is a way to get them to stop temporarily. but getting them to stop systematically… is a much larger challenge, and there is no guarantee the problem won’t come back.
and yeah one option is to join a community or have friends who just validate the shit out of your bad choices or share your frustrations and complaints with. because those folks won’t ask you to change or try something new, they will just agree with you that you’re fucked and there is nothing you can do.
Some people like to vent though too. I’ve been told, hey, I’m not looking for answers, just an ear. I always try to offer some help or advice, but I realized that isn’t necessarily what the other person wants, it’s what I want. So I try to listen, try to say more than just “That sucks,” and if I get asked for help, I’ll see what I can do.
But sometimes, it’s just “That sucks,” and that’s usually because you made your bed and now you need to lay in it, but that’s kinda mean to say to someone who’s already not feeling so great.
however for too many people venting is all it ever becomes. and those people are always the same folks who won’t let anyone vent to them. because everything becomes about what hapless victims they are and nothing can ever change their life.
way too many folks just want to vent vent vent vent vent and never ever address the problems. they refuse to change their job, refuse to try new things, refuse to meet new people, etc etc. and their entire identity becomes their misery. so yeah, they end up only being able to socialize with folks who endlessly validate their toxic attitudes and just get stuck like that for years or their entire life.
or they get stuck in a cycle of exploiting kind people who just eventually get sick of their shit and their poor miserable lifestyle. can’t tell you how many of my exes, and how many people i date before i even get into a relationship, theri entire life is this cycle of misery and refusal to change and self-medication.
like you know how many first dates i go on where the person just vents at me for 45m about how they hate their life? like 2/3 of them. And yeah, as total stranger it’s not my job to help you, it’s to get the fuck away from you because you clearly lack the maturity and self-control to not dump your problems on a stranger. not to mention, most of the ‘venting’ done at me by these people are ‘problems’ like they can’t afford first class plane tickets, or they can’t afford a Porsche and it’s not fair.
anyway, these are the same folks who demand others be ‘emotionally mature’ as in, validate them and never challenge them. because you know, it’s everyone else’s fault that you don’t like your job, your ex was mean to you, your parents suck, etc etc. and they are supposed to fix it for you, otherwise they are worthless assholes. it can’t be that maybe you’re the worthless asshole who needs to fix your shit and make changes if things in your life are pathologically making you unhappy.
and as for you, sounds like you just are getting off on yourself by being a ‘helper’. the truth is, you aren’t really helping, you are more than likely enabling and validating shittiness. would you ‘help’ an alcoholic by buying them alcohol? plenty of victims of alcoholics fall into this trap of enabling and being abused by the person, that’s the reason things like Al-anon exist, because folks who refuse to help themselves almost always end up dragging everyone else down with them.
they don’t even know.
i had girlfriends with these issues… they just often lack the emotional maturity/forethought to realize that there isnt’ anything other folks can do, and they vaguely expect like other people to just magically make their problems go away, and they resent you for not being the ‘cure’ to their problem.
it doesn’t necessarily have to do with mental health, it could be physical, or just a job they don’t like, or a ton of other things.
the issue is the person suffering, is looking for a solution outside of themselves and their own actions, and refuses to acknowledge the solution requires them to change themselves or their circumstances, and often like change habits or lifestyle or etc.
i remember being a suicidal teenager and I just wanted it to stop, i wanted the bad feelings to stop. i had no clue how to get them to stop because they just kept coming at me. some people just… are like this their entire lives and they often self-medicate because that is a way to get them to stop temporarily. but getting them to stop systematically… is a much larger challenge, and there is no guarantee the problem won’t come back.
and yeah one option is to join a community or have friends who just validate the shit out of your bad choices or share your frustrations and complaints with. because those folks won’t ask you to change or try something new, they will just agree with you that you’re fucked and there is nothing you can do.
Some people like to vent though too. I’ve been told, hey, I’m not looking for answers, just an ear. I always try to offer some help or advice, but I realized that isn’t necessarily what the other person wants, it’s what I want. So I try to listen, try to say more than just “That sucks,” and if I get asked for help, I’ll see what I can do.
But sometimes, it’s just “That sucks,” and that’s usually because you made your bed and now you need to lay in it, but that’s kinda mean to say to someone who’s already not feeling so great.
there is nothing wrong with venting.
however for too many people venting is all it ever becomes. and those people are always the same folks who won’t let anyone vent to them. because everything becomes about what hapless victims they are and nothing can ever change their life.
way too many folks just want to vent vent vent vent vent and never ever address the problems. they refuse to change their job, refuse to try new things, refuse to meet new people, etc etc. and their entire identity becomes their misery. so yeah, they end up only being able to socialize with folks who endlessly validate their toxic attitudes and just get stuck like that for years or their entire life.
or they get stuck in a cycle of exploiting kind people who just eventually get sick of their shit and their poor miserable lifestyle. can’t tell you how many of my exes, and how many people i date before i even get into a relationship, theri entire life is this cycle of misery and refusal to change and self-medication.
like you know how many first dates i go on where the person just vents at me for 45m about how they hate their life? like 2/3 of them. And yeah, as total stranger it’s not my job to help you, it’s to get the fuck away from you because you clearly lack the maturity and self-control to not dump your problems on a stranger. not to mention, most of the ‘venting’ done at me by these people are ‘problems’ like they can’t afford first class plane tickets, or they can’t afford a Porsche and it’s not fair.
anyway, these are the same folks who demand others be ‘emotionally mature’ as in, validate them and never challenge them. because you know, it’s everyone else’s fault that you don’t like your job, your ex was mean to you, your parents suck, etc etc. and they are supposed to fix it for you, otherwise they are worthless assholes. it can’t be that maybe you’re the worthless asshole who needs to fix your shit and make changes if things in your life are pathologically making you unhappy.
and as for you, sounds like you just are getting off on yourself by being a ‘helper’. the truth is, you aren’t really helping, you are more than likely enabling and validating shittiness. would you ‘help’ an alcoholic by buying them alcohol? plenty of victims of alcoholics fall into this trap of enabling and being abused by the person, that’s the reason things like Al-anon exist, because folks who refuse to help themselves almost always end up dragging everyone else down with them.