I’m only 29 so I’m not sure how well this holds true but I feel like up until the early 2000s friendships were often a lot more superficial. You used to be good friends with one or two people and the rest were what would now at best be considered acquaintances. These days, at least in my generation, you’re expected to be a lot more comfortable with other people’s intimate details. But for many people deep down learning about everybodys political beliefs, sex life, spirituality, childhood trauma and what have you is pretty overwhelming so they distance themselves.
It’s like we’re numb to the joy of just existing together for a while. Nobody seems to like small talk anymore because it’s not intense enough or whatever, everybody calls themselves socially awkward but refuses to practice their social game in low-stress environments.
So yeah to a degree things have gotten more isolated but for me it’s more about small gestures like talking about the weather with the bus driver or silly banter at work. Without those small things it’s almost impossible to meet new people anyway and they regulate the desire for social connections too. The contents of the conversation might be trivial but you’re still hearing another human’s voice being raised just for you, that’s far from meaningless.
Maybe this explains my strong initial reaction. I think other people’s attention is not something to ever take for granted. It’s something you need to work for hard in times where attention has become the most valuable thing to give.
I’m only 29 so I’m not sure how well this holds true but I feel like up until the early 2000s friendships were often a lot more superficial. You used to be good friends with one or two people and the rest were what would now at best be considered acquaintances. These days, at least in my generation, you’re expected to be a lot more comfortable with other people’s intimate details. But for many people deep down learning about everybodys political beliefs, sex life, spirituality, childhood trauma and what have you is pretty overwhelming so they distance themselves.
It’s like we’re numb to the joy of just existing together for a while. Nobody seems to like small talk anymore because it’s not intense enough or whatever, everybody calls themselves socially awkward but refuses to practice their social game in low-stress environments.
So yeah to a degree things have gotten more isolated but for me it’s more about small gestures like talking about the weather with the bus driver or silly banter at work. Without those small things it’s almost impossible to meet new people anyway and they regulate the desire for social connections too. The contents of the conversation might be trivial but you’re still hearing another human’s voice being raised just for you, that’s far from meaningless.
Maybe this explains my strong initial reaction. I think other people’s attention is not something to ever take for granted. It’s something you need to work for hard in times where attention has become the most valuable thing to give.
until the early 2000s? you were 4. that’s how friendships work at that age.
That assessment wasn’t really based on my personal experience.