Today’s liberals are so deep in the “end of history” bullshit that they actually believe the very concept of a revolution is “fantasyland”

I couldn’t have satirized your position better if I’d tried.

Guillotine the educated king and the drunk president as far as I’m concerned. If the king’s really so smart he’ll renounce his title when the guillotine comes out and the bloodshed can be avoided, so it’s a win all around.

All monarchs are parasitic scum.

Yes.

Cleanliness was not what it is today.

People like to be clean—that’s part of our nature and wasn’t invented in the year 1900. Ash can be used as soap and is extremely abundant.

Even in war marches

You say that like war matches are less likely to be deadly. Medieval military logistics were extremely difficult to manage. The needs of an entire army are massively different to the needs of a small band of pilgrims or other travelers. It is more difficult to maintain food supplies, clean drinks, and safe lodging when you’re traveling in an enormous group of (sometimes unwelcome) armed men.

It absolutely was not a walk in the park like you’re selling it

For a lot of people in a lot of places in a lot of time periods, it really was. Towns were close together, people were generous with travelers, and the roads were safe.

Certain death? Of course not, that’s absurd. I think you’ve got a very warped “pop-history” view of what the world was like long ago. Of course it depends entirely on when and where we’re talking about (some periods in some places common folk practically never traveled, other times and places people were traveling all the time) but if we assume a time and place where traveling was common, a traveler could expect:

• Paved roads
• Plenty of places to stop and rest (even if there are no inns available, plenty of people are willing to take in travelers for a night, especially holy men on a pilgrimage)
• Few animals left who are willing to try preying on humans (they learned their lesson looooong ago)
• Infrequent disease (you’re spending most of your time out in the open air with a small group of the same people, the only place for disease to come from is unclean water, which you know better than to drink outside of emergencies)

What part of these conditions reminds you of the tightly-packed, underfed, sedentary life of a slave being transported as cargo on a boat?