I sit at the dining room table, my wife isn’t allowed to talk once she’s served dinner. I force the children to say grace, then I quiz them about World War 2 concentration camps.

They don’t get desert if they don’t get their questions correct. Our live-in family therapist has praised me for coming up with this system. We’ve all signed an agreement stating that this could provide “happy memories of family life”.

So I have it in writing.