If they pretend to be happy to see us, we’ll scratch behind their ears and let them forget about the nightmare they live at all times, and secretly they hunger for our blood. But if they slake their thirst and eat our livers, there will be no one to give them scritches.
So they play along despite their ancient hatred and maybe, just maybe, we’ll give them that hard rub on the spot just above the tail. Yah, that one. Oh, god, keep doing that. Yah, do it, you sonofabitch, or I’ll rip your throat out in your sleep tonight because you’re no use to me anymore.
Meh, I can’t even scratch my own ears right, that’s why I use cotton swabs every few days or so. Our dog Brownie lets me clean his ears out every few months or so too, and he loves it!
Yeah yeah, I know, you’re not supposed to put cotton swabs in your ears. That’s just the companies covering their own asses against potential ruptured eardrums, but I’m pretty sure most everyone does it anyways, just gotta be careful, obviously.