A couple of weeks ago a woman I love moved a long way away … we only met 6 weeks before that, yet it wasn’t a whirlwind romance. She’s terrible at communicating remotely, so we won’t ever have a long term relationship.
My spouse has lifted my spirits a lot, and reminded me that I’ll always carry her in my heart. I’m happy to have had this experience, even if I’m still feeling a sense of loss over it every day as well.
So … who else out there has had that sort of short but sweet romance? What was it like?
I’m in this camp, for sure. I’ve had mono relationships that were doomed from the start. Either it was going away to school, going back home, or in one case, my lover finally got a call back from a military recruiter. In all cases, they’re wonderful memories I carry with me, including the bittersweet parts at the end. I haven’t had the opportunity in a long while, but I look forward to these kinds of things.
The worst part is facing the inevitable end. In a poly context, the upside is that you may have people to fall back on for support; depending on your situation. Its nice to have people to support you, but another thing entirely when they intimately know how you operate sexually and romantically. The downside is that it will still hurt, regardless if you see it coming. Ultimately, it’s another emotional situation to learn how to contend with. But with that framing, I like to think it’s something that can be met with a skilled response, rather than any kind of emotional “freefall.”
That said, I can see this being really bad for folks where the “cost of entry” for a new relationship isn’t worth something short-term. Not everyone handles NRE all that well, sometimes to the point of hating it. Then there’s folks that need accommodations (think: neurodivergence, trauma, etc) which takes a lot of time to work out with a new person. Finally, the other party might also be in those camps. I’m sure there’s other situations that are “expensive” for setting up a new relationship. All-in-all, it can take a lot of work to get into a comfortable groove which makes long-term relationships far more sense.
Thank you for sharing that … I hadn’t thought of the “cost of entry” aspect, but it makes perfect sense.
Since starting this thread I’ve had time to process it. I’m glad that I don’t regret it because it means I’ll be open to the same sort of thing in the future … there have been times in my life I’ve been jaded or hurt, and I raised my cost of entry as a defence mechanism.
But I’m determined to remain open to love, should it find me again in the future, even if it doesn’t last long :-) (of course, ideally, I’d prefer long-term, but the universe doesn’t always work out that way)